I think I may be inadvertently trying to avoid growing up. I had these plans you see. To get my driver's permit on my birthday, to get a summer job... But my mind is rejecting them, by not allowing to just sit down and read the manual, and trying to preventme from even addressing a letter to one of my references. It took me two weeks to print out the application and complete, and another to send it, and I still need to to mail the reference sheet to one of my references.
I feel completely out of control about it. I know it is part procrastination, but I think I also just don't want to enter the real world. My mind really wants to read and address, to make money and to finally not have to rely on my parents for rides, but it is having a lot of trouble with the middle part.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Sober Friend
We are staggering around Boston, pretty much aimlessly. Two are making out at every possible opportunity. Two are flirting, and they like each other, but she has a boyfriend. One is screaming her secret at the top of her lungs, floating along, happy to lose herself. One is walking by himself for the most part, not drinking but only because of wrestling. And I am the sober friend.
Drunk off of vodka and mountain dew, people are saying things they wouldn't, then subsequently begging the others not to remember it in the morning. They are laughing and crying and begging me to let them have more, though they already had too much.
I should have brought my gloves, for my fingers are freezing as I am texting her mom from her phone since she sounds drunk, and doesn't want her to know.
I apologize to the passerby for the loudness of the group.
I wonder if maybe this night would have been more fun if I had some of the mountain dew. I realize I know for sure that's probably the case.
But I'm scared of not being the sober friend. I'm scared of saying things I don't want to. I'm scared of not being in control. I'm scared for my friends without someone to watch out. I'm scared I'll like it too much.
So I'm the sober friend, and probably always will be.
I contemplate this on the bus, as everyone is coming to their senses, as I worry about getting home on time, worry about worrying too much, worry about what people said when their brain didn't produce the filter it usually did.
Drunk off of vodka and mountain dew, people are saying things they wouldn't, then subsequently begging the others not to remember it in the morning. They are laughing and crying and begging me to let them have more, though they already had too much.
I should have brought my gloves, for my fingers are freezing as I am texting her mom from her phone since she sounds drunk, and doesn't want her to know.
I apologize to the passerby for the loudness of the group.
I wonder if maybe this night would have been more fun if I had some of the mountain dew. I realize I know for sure that's probably the case.
But I'm scared of not being the sober friend. I'm scared of saying things I don't want to. I'm scared of not being in control. I'm scared for my friends without someone to watch out. I'm scared I'll like it too much.
So I'm the sober friend, and probably always will be.
I contemplate this on the bus, as everyone is coming to their senses, as I worry about getting home on time, worry about worrying too much, worry about what people said when their brain didn't produce the filter it usually did.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)