Standing, Waiting and Talking

I went to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving to see family, and the trip is pretty much summed up by standing, waiting, and talking.

My family and I drove down on Wed. night, and it was a pretty normal drive down, complete with the John Hodgman audiobook and then my mom getting tired of it and me putting in my headphones and reading.  I read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, which was amazing.  We made really good time and got there relatively early, about 10ish.  I got to see my sister (who has been away at college), and part of my extended family, My great aunt and uncle, who are closer to my mom's age, and my mom's cousins, who are in their 20s.
The talking began that night.  We stayed up till 12 or 1 simply catching up before finally going to bed downstairs.  I had to sleep on an air mattress with my sister, and there was not enough blankets, so I was freezing the entire night.  I woke up at 5 to go to the bathroom and realized I had forgotten to take out my contacts.  I went upstairs with my bag that I thought had my contacts stuff in it, then had to go back downstairs because it wasn't it.  I finally got the stuff downstairs, and of course, on my way across the room, I hit a cymbal, waking up my mom and sister.  My great uncle plays drums.  And I stumbled into his drumset at 5 in the morning, in a room with sleeping people in it.  My gracefulness never ceases to amaze me.
The incident really creeped out my sister, since she thought it was a ghost because she didn't see me go back upstairs, then I came down.  Much hilarity about the incident ensued the next morning.

Thanksgiving!  My little cousin and aunt and uncle came, and it was great to see them.
It's funny, because my family doesn't watch thanksgiving football, we mostly just hang out and listen to music while talking about things from politics to YouTube videos.  We took this long walk in Prospect Park, and it was really interesting to see the extent of the damage Sandy had done.  We watched some ducks and took some pictures and refused to make decisions on which way we wanted to go.  When we got back, the room smelt like thanksgiving.
Then came the first incident of waiting.  My mom's cousin had to work, and got back, well, about 2 hours after the food had been done.  So we were all waiting for 2 hours, our stomachs grumbling, and the food sitting there temptingly.  We were ravenous by the time she arrived, sat down, went around with what we were thankful for, and stuffed ourselves silly.  I don't actually like much thanksgiving food, even the pies, but I ate a lot of mashed potatoes, and 5 pilgrim hats made with marshmallows and cookies and chocolate my cousin made.

I keep on talking about the amount of talking we do, but it is just one of the things I really love about the people I am related to.  All this seamless, effortless conversation, instead of silence of knifes scraping plates, awkward coughing, and things unsaid.  When we get together the laughs are limitless, the thoughts profound, and it is just a very enjoyable time.  Exhausting, but enjoyable.
My dad had to leave after dinner to back home for work the next day, and my sister moved onto the sofa bed, so I had an extra blanket and a lot of room, and I remembered to take out my contacts.  Needless to say, once we got to bed, again obscenely late, I had a much better sleep

The next day my mom, my sister, and I went Black Friday Shopping.  At Macy's.  In New York City.  After a long train ride, we finally got there.  It was packed to the point where you could honestly get trampled.  There were people literally directing traffic, telling people to practically run off the escalator, all of them very disgruntled and overwhelmed.  We went to shoes first, and I found some purple Keds that I really liked and that were half price.  I only had one shoe, from the shoe rack, and I had to get the box.  The lady helping scanned it, and then I waited.  I ended up standing there for about 40 minutes squeezed up against a wall of shoes, waiting to get this other shoe.  They finally got it, but I had to buy it at the register there, so I waited for another 20 minutes for my mom and sister to come back with their own shoes.  We finally bought the shoes.
But we still needed coats, and my sister needed a hat.  After another hour or two of browsing and waiting in various lines, we made it out alive and with the new purchases.  I got a gray motorcycle jacket, which I love, along with the keds.  But one of my first thoughts in the brisk NYC November air, was I'm probably never going to want to do that again, followed closely by I need to sit down.
Even the train back was complicated, since we needed to take the R to meet my aunt, uncle, and cousin for dinner, but it was out of service due to Sandy.  It resulted in confusion, and more standing, but we finally got there, and the food was this delicious thin crust pizza, and I got to sit, and well, I was just really, really happy.  When we got back, we watched The Holiday, which was silly, but very satisfying.

Saturday was my last day, and I had a easy uneventful morning.  My sister and I went and got some coffee and hot chocolate at a coffee shop, but other than that I stayed in their apartment until I had to leave for the train station.
I was an unaccompanied minor, since my mom was coming back later and my sister was heading in the opposite direction, and I am one measly month away from 16.  This meant I had to get there an hour earlier, be escorted on and off the train, and be dropped off and picked up by designated people.  And I had to wear this bracelet that made me look like I was in a hospital.
I am terrible at packing, and this trip especially, I brought too much stuff.  In my backpack I brought my 15-pound history textbook with me, along with 2 folders and a notebook, and 2 pairs of shoes and 3 books, and a sweatshirt.  So when we got there early, I had to carry this on my back everywhere, for about 2 hours.  Penn Station has no seats other than waiting areas you need your ticket to get into, and since my mom and sister were with me we couldn't all get in.  Standing and waiting.
Once I was on the train though, it was smooth sailing.  I was on the acela, a very fancy train, and I got a single seat due to my unaccompanied status.  I started reading City of Bones by Cassandra Clare, and that is pretty much all I did.  My dad picked me up and we went home, and I had cocoa puffs for dinner, because I am a rebel.  I also stayed up till 2 finishing the book, further enhancing my badassery.

I had a great time, like I do every year, because I love my family, and I am thankful for them.  Thanksgiving is just a time for me to be thankful for my incredibly amazing life.  Something I noticed with all the waiting though, is you can spend your life waiting for the next thing to happen, or you can live in the moment.

Snow and church

It's snowing tonight. The first snow of the year, all of these wet little flakes flying around, and it's beautiful. When isn't snow beautiful though? There is actually a fair bit of snow on the ground!
I facetimed with my sister and her friend for a bit tonight, which was awesome. Sometimes I forget how much she makes me laugh, and how much I miss her. I'll see for thanksgiving though thank goodness.

In addition to my grand list of things I did over the last two weeks, I spoke at my church on Sunday.

I was honestly shaking the entire time, but I got a lot of compliments. I was asked to write something about how growing up Unitarian Universalist has affected me, and of course, I left it until Friday at 9. I was up till 1 trying to get something coherent together, which was just a bad idea on many different levels.
Two of my friends actually came, which I was not really expecting. It was cool to share that part of my life with them. I feel like I have so many different groups of people that are pretty much separate from each other, and it was strange to see one part a bit integrated.
I don't know if many people know why Unitarian Universalism is, but here is what I said.

I have been coming to first parish ever since I can remember. And honestly, I can’t imagine growing up in any other religious community.
I went through the religious education program here and although I don’t remember much about it specifically, it helped me garner a well rounded education of not just my religion, but others, and the values that are important to me now.
From watching the Simpsons to taking the OWL course, saying the program is not a normal RE program seems like kind of an understatement. I always resented having to wake up and go do things on Sunday mornings, but looking back, it was a valuable experience for me. I mean, it beats learning extensively about something I don’t necessarily believe in. And I made so many memories! Like being Clara Barton in the Christmas pageant, or helping write it, or this one time in OWL…
Maybe I’ll save that for another time.
I didn’t grow up learning that there is only one true religion, I didn’t grow up learning being gay is a sin, or that whether or not you get eternal happiness is whether or not you do a, b, and c on a daily basis, and I am grateful for that. I am not saying that gratefulness is true for everyone, im not saying that other religions are inferior, it is just the best choice for me.
I’m sure I’d be the same person if I didn’t grow up in this community, but getting to where I am today would have been a lot longer and harder process. Being UU has not only exposed me to amazing friends and experiences, as well as delicious food, but it also helped me develop a better understanding of others and I guess even myself.
Believe me, trying to explain to my friends what being UU actually is is HARD. Is not a very strict religion, and it doesn’t have a strict set of beliefs I can easily recite. I usually simplify it into “well you can kind of believe what you want, its more about peace and love and doing the right thing?” I guess that’s my interpretation of it. Then try to say the affirmation and doxology, because they explain it better than I ever could.
I don’t know all the UU principles, I don’t come to church every Sunday, but I do know that becoming UU was the best choice my parents ever made for me. Besides having me and my sister. And marrying.
What I love most about growing up UU is that I get to be part of a wonderful church community connected by similar set of values, but the community isn’t dictating what I should believe. Thankfully, I will never be under pressure to feign belief in some superior being, and I will always feel my personal belief is accepted. I got to form my own credo. That choice of belief, that encouragement to always ask questions, grow spiritually and to find out who you are on your own terms is what growing up UU has given to me.
I am UU because my parents are, but I will continue to be UU for the rest of my life for that unique acceptance and encouragement. I want my kids to experience the same benefits of choice and questioning that is part of UUism and part of me. I want to see what being a UU for my entire life is like, I want to grow and discover and share with my community. I want to drink some coffee and talk during social hour, I want to light a candle either for a joy, or a sorrow. Someday. Right now, I’m perfectly happy just helping out with the little kids, trying to fit youth group in, and pondering the existence of a higher being, in my own way.

The Concert

It's been a pretty eventful past couple of weeks to say the least.  I went to San Fransisco, escaping Hurricane/Super Storm Sandy, on Friday the soccer seaosn ended, and on Saturday night I went to a Freelance Whales concert.
I was supposed to write this last night, but then I started watching Supernatural, which I do not think was a wise decision for my schoolwork and sleep.  Oh well.
San Francisco was just amazing.  I will probably write a long post about it at some point, but I really want to say what I want to say about this concert that frustrated me greatly.  I probably should be talking about the election, but I think that there is enough about that out there right now.

The music was incredible.  At concerts, that is where I feel most alive, the closest I come to love.  There is something somewhere about your heart beating out of your chest, I think it is in a song.  That is what I feel when the bass is running through my veins and the music and people are surrounding me united in a love of words and music strung together in a way that means something
I went with my friends, one of them lives far away now, so that was amazing, although one of them couldn't stand near us because she couldn't breathe well in the space.  It was the third concert I've been to, and its strange how each has been different.
The first was outside.  I stood mostly in the open, with my sister, family, and a few family friends.  The Decemberists were playing
The second was crowded, in a large venue, with my friends, there were a lot of people my age, packed in like sardines.  I danced a lot, let loose a bit, screamed the songs.  Two Door Cinema Club was playing
This was in a smaller venue.  There was a lot of college people.  I was pretty squished.  Unfortunately, there was a couple to my left and a couple (with a 6-foot-tall guy) right in front of me.  They both were very affectionate.
Don't get me wrong, this concert was just as great as the last two, but I also felt very lonely.  It was the couples, but it was mostly the guy two rows in front of me, right in front of the 6-foot mass.  He was gorgeous.  And I wanted to go and talk to him, flirt with him maybe.  Because I felt pretty nice looking that night, because I was wearing make-up, I had my hair down, I had a new sweater on, one of those oversized knit ones that hung off my shoulder just so.  But I couldn't go up to him.  I still didn't feel pretty enough, not confident enough.
I have always been consumed by the idea of meeting someone in an interesting place, like a concert, or an airport.  I am a romantic person, and the idea of romantic recklessness has always appealed to me.  But when the time came to bump into him and smile, try to flirt, I just couldn't.  I could have the last songs, when I was right behind him.  But he didn't turn around.  And I made up all these reasons why I couldn't, that it was a bad idea to dance next to him.  He wouldn't find me attractive, I can't flirt, I am too socially awkward, he is hard to get too etc.  But at the same time, I wanted to let go, take a chance, so incredibly badly.
But I didn't.  The last song was played, and we moved separate ways.  Me to get water, then shiver outside in my sweater waiting for my friend's dad to pick us us.  Him to his own bed, maybe with the same incessant ringing in his ears that was in mine.
In a perfect world, I thought, I would be sexy, and flirty.  There wouldn't be that couple in front of us.  I'd ask him if he'd want to dance, and we'd have fun.  We'd talk, maybe exchange numbers, maybe I'd finally have my first kiss.
But this isn't a perfect world.